Verge of Change
Missing Scene for TSbBS
Summary: Blair's thoughts and a short conversation during a missing scene for TSbBS.
Note: Prompt (doctor) from the SentinelThursday list.
Warnings, Ratings: Some bad language.
Disclaimer: All characters, places, and objects from The Sentinel belong to Pet Fly Productions, UPN, Paramount and the SciFi Channel. No money is being made. No copyright infringement is intended. Any resemblance (of original characters) to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. No similarity to any person either living or dead is intended or should be inferred. This story was written by ljc with the love of the show in mind.
Ever since I knew what it stood for I'd always wanted that PhD after my name. Four years ago I thought I was finally on my way. I was going to accomplish my goals of fame and fortune by making a unique contribution to knowledge. All I had to do was find a sentinel. That was my Holy Grail, but finding one changed my life in ways I never believed possible. Finding another almost destroyed it.
The first sentinel was a man that was, after all was said and done, just as human as anyone else. The second sentinel was a psycho bitch, and anyone that knew her story would agree that that's no exaggeration at all.
Maybe the ideal - the Holy Grail - never existed except in my own little fantasy world, but I'd hate for the very idea of a sentinel to become a joke. I had made up my mind that what I was searching for was a “Sentinel”, and what I found was a man burdened by his past, and a woman whose lack of morals finally brought her to insanity.
And yet, after all that went wrong, how can I be anything but grateful. We survived! I'm just sorry that my friends had to pay for my mistake. The guilt is mine, and it's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye to them.
My mind seems incapable of moving forward. I linger over memories of the past four years; reliving all the great times, and even the really horrible moments. It's freaky in a way because it's like mourning someone you've loved and lost. I've faced disappointments, had low points in my life and career before, but I've never faced disgrace. This is going to be hard.
“Chief? Are you coming?” asked Jim cautiously.
Blair unclenched his hands from the balcony railing and sighed raggedly. “Are you sure you need me, Jim. I - I think I'd rather stay here.”
Jim limped slowly out to stand behind Blair, “Just come to the station with me this once. That's all I'll ask ... Today... Please....”
Blair asked tentatively, “You said Simon's going to try to go in today ... right?”
“Right. He'd be so glad to see you there, too.”
Blair hung his head, “I'll come.”
Jim sighed in relief, “Good. Maybe we can talk about a few things while we're there.”
Blair turned toward Jim, too weary to wonder why his friend suddenly wanted to talk. He could only acknowledge Jim's remark with a vague but hopeless, “Whatever, man.”